Got my house decorated for Christmas!
George Carlin’s Views on Aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
“How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!” You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key
You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
“How old are you?” “I’m gonna be 16!” You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime and it doesn’t end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; “I Was JUST 92.”
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay “them.”
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, and hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9 Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
May the friendships you make,
Be those which endure,
And all of your grey clouds
Be small ones for sure.
And trusting in Him
To whom we all pray,
May a song fill your heart,
Every step of the way.
Read out loud the text inside the triangle below.
Last one. What do you see?
Count every ‘ F ‘ in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.
HOW MANY ? WRONG, THERE ARE 6 — no joke. READ IT AGAIN ! Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F’s before you scroll down.
The reasoning behind is further down.
Three is normal, four is quite rare.
Send this to your friends. It will drive them crazy! And keep them occupied For several minutes!
Olny srmat poelpe can raed this. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pc lae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm.This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed this psas it on!
The Real Meaning of Words
Old one but a good reminder.
New Jersey is a peninsula.
Highlands, New Jersey has the highest elevation along the entire eastern seaboard, from Maine to Florida.
New Jersey is the only state where all of its counties are classified as metropolitan areas.
New Jersey has more race horses than Kentucky.
New Jersey has more Cubans in Union City (1 sq mi.) than Havana, Cuba.
New Jersey has the densest system of highways and railroads in the US.
New Jersey has the highest cost of living
New Jersey has the highest cost of auto insurance.
New Jersey has the highest property taxes in the nation.
New Jersey has the most diners in the world and is sometimes referred to as the
“Diner Capital of the World.”
New Jersey is home to Taylor Ham or Pork Roll.
Home to the best Italian hot dogs and Italian sausage with peppers and onions.
North Jersey has the most shopping malls in one area in the world, with seven major shopping malls in a 25 square mile radius.
New Jersey is home to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island.
The Passaic River was the site of the first submarine ride by inventor John P. Holland
New Jersey has 50+ resort cities & towns; some of the nation’s most famous:
Asbury Park, Wildwood (Crest), Atlantic City, Ocean City, Seaside Heights, Long Branch, Cape May.
New Jersey has the most stringent testing along its coastline for water quality control than any other seaboard state in the entire country.
New Jersey is a leading technology & industrial state and is the largest chemical producing state in the nation when you include pharmaceuticals.
Jersey tomatoes are known the world over as being the best you can buy.
New Jersey is the world leader in blueberry and cranberry production
(and here you thought Massachusetts?)
Here’s to New Jersey – the toast of the country! In 1642 , the first
brewery in America, opened in Hoboken.
New Jersey rocks! The famous Les Paul invented the first solid body electric guitar in Mahwah, in 1940.
New Jersey is a major seaport state with the largest seaport in the US, located in Elizabeth.
Nearly 80 percent of what our nation imports comes through Elizabeth Seaport first.
New Jersey is home to one of the nation’s busiest airports (in Newark), Liberty International.
George Washington slept there.
Several important Revolutionary War battles were fought on New Jersey soil, led by General George Washington.
The light bulb, phonograph (record player), and motion picture
projector, were invented by Thomas Edison in his Menlo Park, NJ, laboratory.
New Jersey also boasts the first town ever lit by incandescent bulbs.
The first seaplane was built in Keyport , NJ.
The first airmail (to Chicago) was started from Keyport, NJ.
The first phonograph records were made in Camden, NJ, RCA VICTOR
New Jersey was home to the Miss America Pageant held in Atlantic City.
The game Monopoly, played all over the world, named the streets on its playing board after the actual streets in
And, Atlantic City has the longest boardwalk in the world, not to mention salt water taffy.
New Jersey has the largest petroleum containment area outside of the Middle East countries.
The first Indian reservation was in New Jersey, in the Watchung Mountains
New Jersey has the tallest water-tower in the world. (Union, NJ!!!)
New Jersey had the first medical center, in Jersey City
The Pulaski SkyWay, from Jersey City to Newark, was the first skyway highway.
New Jersey built the first tunnel under a river, the Hudson (Holland Tunnel).
The first baseball game was played in Hoboken, NJ, which is also the birthplace of Frank Sinatra.
The first intercollegiate football game was played in New Brunswick 1889 (Rutgers College played Princeton).
The first drive-in movie theater was opened in Camden, NJ,
(but they’re all gone now!).
New Jersey is home to both of “NEW YORK’S” pro football teams!
The first radio station and broadcast was in Paterson, NJ.
The first FM radio broadcast was made from Alpine, NJ, by Maj. Thomas Armstrong.
All New Jersey natives:
Sal Martorano, Jack Nicholson, Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Jason Alexander,
Queen Latifah, Susan Sarandon, Connie Francis Shaq, Judy Blume, Aaron Burr, Joan Robertson, Ken Kross, Dionne Warwick, Sarah Vaughn, Budd Abbott, Lou Costello,
Alan Ginsberg, Norman Mailer, Marilynn McCoo, Flip Wilson,
Alexander Hamilton, Zack Braff Whitney Houston, Eddie Money,
Linda McElroy, Eileen Donnelly, Grover Cleveland, Woodrow Wilson,
Walt Whitman, Jerry Lewis, Tom Cruise, Joyce Kilmer, Bruce Willis, Caesar Romero, Lauryn Hill, Ice-T,
Nick Adams, Nathan Lane, Sandra Dee, Danny DeVito, Richard Conti,
Joe Pesci, Joe Piscopo, Joe DePasquale, Robert Blake, John Forsythe,
Meryl Streep, Loretta Swit, Norman Lloyd, Paul Simon, Jerry Herman,
Gorden McCrae, Kevin Spacey, John Travolta, Phyllis Newman, Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Eva Marie Saint, Elisabeth Shue, Zebulon Pike, James Fennimore Cooper, Admiral Wm.Halsey,Jr.,Norman Schwarzkopf, Dave Thomas (Wendy’s), William Carlos Williams, Ray Liotta, Robert Wuhl, Bob Reyers, Paul Robeson, Ernie Kovacs, Joseph Macchia, Kelly Ripa, and, of course, Rose Dore’ (just wanted to see if you are reading this!)
Francis Albert Sinatra and “Uncle Floyd” Vivino.
The Great Falls in Paterson, on the Passaic River, is the 2nd highest waterfall on the East Coast of the US.
You know you’re from Jersey when . .
You don’t think of fruit when people mention “The Oranges.”
You know that it’s called Great Adventure, not Six Flags.
A good, quick breakfast is a hard roll with butter.
You’ve known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.
You’ve eaten at a diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 A.M.
You know that the state isn’t one big oil refinery. You know what a “jug handle” is.
At least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you know the town Jon Bon Jovi is from.
You know that WaWa is a convenience store.
You know that the state isn’t all farmland.
You know that there are no “beaches” in New Jersey–there’s the shore–and you don’t go “to the shore,” you go “down the shore.” And when you are there, you’re not “at the shore”; you are “down the shore”, and if you are from South Philly its DOWNASHORE
You know how to properly negotiate a circle.
You knew that the last sentence had to do with driving.
You know that this is the only “New” state that doesn’t require “New” to identify it (try . . Mexico… York… Hampshire… doesn’t work, does it?).
You know that a “White Castle” is the name of BOTH a fast food chain AND a fast food sandwich.
You consider putting mayo on a corned beef sandwich a sacrilege.
You don’t think “What exit?” is very funny.
You know that people from the 609 area code are “a little different..” Yes they are!
You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton–that’s for out-of-staters.
The Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar.
You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls..
You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.
Every year you have at least one kid in your class named Tony .
You know the location of every clip shown in the Sopranos opening credits.
You’ve gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of the mall.
You know that people from North Jersey go to Seaside Heights, and people from Central Jersey go to Belmar, and people from South Jersey go to Wildwood. It can be no other way.
You weren’t raised in New Jersey–you were raised in either North Jersey, Central Jersey or South Jersey
You don’t consider Newark or Camden to actually be part of the state.
You remember the stores like Korvette’s, Two Guys, Rickel’s, Channel, Bamberger’s and Orbach’s.
You also remember Palisades Amusement Park.
You’ve had a boardwalk cheese steak and vinegar fries.
You start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.
And finally . .
YOU NEVER, NEVER NEVER, EVER
pump your own gas.
Happy Earth Day!
Remember to recycle, pick up trash, and save the planet.
“One Sweet World”
Nine planets round the sun
Only one does the sun embrace
Upon this watered one
So much we take for granted
So let us sleep outside tonight
Lay down in our mother’s arms
For here we can rest safely
If green should slip to grey
But our hearts still bloody be
And if mountains crumble away
And the river dry Would it stop the stepping feet
Take all that we can get
When it’s done
Nobody left to bury here
Nobody left to dig the holes
And here we can rest safely
One sweet world
Around a star is spinning
One sweet world
And in her breath I’m swimming
And here we will rest in peace
— Dave Matthews
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.
— Helen Keller
Live your life each day as you would climb a mountain. An occasional glance towards the summit keeps the goal in mind, but many beautiful scenes are to be observed from each new vantage point.
– Harold B. Melchart